Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
