Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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