My liver just broke up with me...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
