I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
