he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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