ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
