i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
