life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
