but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
im on a boat
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