Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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