my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
