bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
