he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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