I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
