so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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