drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
