Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
