what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
