toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
