Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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