she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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