While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
