Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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