Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is Oprah even human
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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