mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Found your dick twin last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
