did you get engaged???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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