there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
