sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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