I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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