So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
