My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
