Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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