I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
