halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
