He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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