How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
