i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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