you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
