So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
