You smell like a Billy Joel song
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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