Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I will be naked everywhere
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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