I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
