After last night, I could never be a politician.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
