I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
