After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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