Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
