buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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