Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
