So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
