In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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