If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
