what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
