i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
